a changed life

"My life had changed, I thought; I seemed older, and yet the lives of my schoolmates seemed unchanged.  The Kid still raced at the bridge, Samuel nodded and walked on, Horse and Bones kicked at each other, and the yellow buses still cam in with their loads of solemn farm kids."

(Anaya, Bless Me, Ultima, p.186)

In a short three weeks time, the young boy Antonio had witnessed a horrific murder, battled a deathly case of pneumonia, experienced a dark delirium as a result of his illness and bid farewell to his brothers for a third time.  The quote above, from Rudolfo Anaya's novel Bless Me, Ultima, illustrates the Antonio's thoughts as he returns to school after a hellish Christmas vacation.  His friends and schoolmates are the same people they were when school let out a few weeks prior.  Their lives are simple and unchanged.  Antonio is different; his life is not the same nor simple.  He has witnessed and experienced things that have changed him forever.

When I was pondering this quote and the experiences of Antonio I began thinking about the life of a soldier upon returning from war.  A soldier returns home a different person while friends and family, although older, lead the same lives as before.  From this thought my mind wondered to the C. S. Lewis novel, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.  In this epic fantasy story, four siblings are transported, as children, to the mythical world of Narnia.  They live and grow up in this world eventually becoming kings and queens.  As young adults they are transported back to the world they left as youth.  They return as children as if they never left.  Yet the siblings retain the experiences and memories they gained in Narnia.

Over a short Christmas vacation, Antonio experienced events that most individuals don't in a life time.  Similarly, a soldier or the children returning from Narnia come back with souls full of knowledge that most will never understand.  Maybe the most difficult element to cope with isn't the experiences themselves, but the act of returning to a life you once had.  How do you take the effects of war, sickness, death and growing up and proceed like nothing happened?  How do you act normal again?  This is the challenge handed to the young boy Antonio.  He is forced to return to the third grade--a place where he no longer fits.  

the sin of growing up

"It was a sin to grow up and be a man."

(Anaya, Bless Me, Ultima, p. 31)

As I replayed this short sentence over and over in my head, I wanted to understand how growing up could be considered a transgression.  At this point in Rudolfo Anaya's Bless Me, Ultima, we read a short dialog between a mother and father about becoming an adult.  The mother views growing up is a sin while the father sees growing up as nothing but a fact of life.  When I first read this sentence I agreed more with the father's opinion but after making some connections and pondering the mother's beliefs, I understand why she felt it unfortunate to grow up.  The transformation from child to adult involves one major element--the loss of innocence.

As a child raised in the nineties and early two-thousands, television was a big part of my youth. Nickelodeon and Disney have made me who I am today, and I'm not ashamed.  It isn't my growth into adulthood that I want to examine but the transformation of the children who stared in the TV shows and movies I enjoyed.  I grew up watching kids like Lindsay Lohan, Macaulay Culkin and Miley Cyrus.  As children, they were cute, talented and wholesome.  Today those names make us think of substance abuse, rebellion and self-destruction. These young adults aren't horrible or vile people but they aren't the innocent kid stars we used to know.  What happened?  They grew up and were exposed to the world.

The story of these child stars in not unique; we all go through a similar process.  Although our experiences are less public, we become exposed to the world and gradually we loose our innocence--some more than others. The mother in Bless Me, Ultima wants nothing more than to keep her son clean and pure.  She understands that the transformation from boyhood to manhood involves a loss of purity. Our loss of purity, innocence and our exposure to the world are what define "growing up."  It isn't our metamorphosis from young to old that is a sin but the complex process of growing up that leaves us with blemishes.

mo' money, mo' problems

"While other more foresighted than they had got their money out of Santo Domingo and had gone to New Orleans, or were starting new coffee plantations in Cuba, those who had salvaged nothing reveled in their improvidence, in living from day to day, in freedom from obligations, seeking, for the moment, to suck from everything that pleasure they could find." 

(Alejo Carpentier, The Kingdom of This World, p.76-77)

After a terrible series of events, the former plantation owner, M. Lenormand de Mézy has found himself at rock bottom.  The once powerful slave driver has lost everything.  In search of a fresh start the defeated man stumbles upon old friends with similar plights; power, wealth and family are just a memory.  It's here where we find this quote about insufficiencies.  It doesn't take long for these men realize they've inherited a great deal of freedom.  No responsibilities, no obligations just time to waste and appetites to feed.  In a situation where I've lost everything, I imagine myself mourning and lamenting, not chasing every diversion.  I feel it's important to understand where this frivolousness is
coming from.

Have you ever heard the phrase "mo' money, mo' problems?" If not, that's fine, I'll explain.  Mo' Money, Mo' Problems was originally a song by the late Notorious B.I.G. The track alludes to the idea that with more wealth and popularity comes more complications and drama.  This phase and accompanying concept have been adopted all over popular culture.  I'll admit, the phase "mo' money, mo' problems" sounds silly and is far from sophisticated but the idea is relevant.  We hear about money related problems all the time.  When we have a lot of money we're required to be responsible and, for many, that's a problem.

As a wealthy plantation owner, M. Lenormand de Mézy possessed endless power but also endless responsibilities.  He enjoyed luxuries but was also plagued by complexities.  If we can say that more money equals more problems, then it is fair to say that less money equals less problems.  This is the liberty that M. Lenormand de Mézy and his old friends found.  With everything lost, they were left to enjoy their "improvidence." With all demands tossed aside they were able to find relief.  At first glance, this story may seem foreign and irrelevant to us, but there is a lesson to be learned.  A life of fortune may not be all that we dream and so our greatest happiness might be found in our insufficiencies.

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dare to oppose

"After nine or ten nights he understood with a certain bitterness that he could expect nothing from those pupils who accepted his doctrine passively, but that he could expect something from those who occasionally dared to oppose him.  The former group, although worthy of love and affection, could not ascend to the level of individuals; the latter pre-existed a slightly greater degree."

(Jorge Luis Borges, The Circular Ruins, Ficciones p. 60-61)

The short story The Circular Ruins, by Jorge Luis Borges, is a little confusing and pretty abstract.  It isn't necessary to know the whole story to understand this quote.  For context's sake, you need to know that a man, in a vivid dream, is lecturing a group of his pupils.  He is attempting to mold their minds and instruct them in the most profound subjects.  The man comes to the unpleasant realization; that not all his students are going to excel.  In fact, the pupil who periodically resists his instructor will triumph while the obedient pupil is defeated.

I was recently heard a story on NPR about individuals who succeed while going against the "system."  It started by naming a few individuals--Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Michael Dell--and asked the listen to identify what these billionaires had in common. Obviously, they're all big names in the tech-world but they're also college dropouts.  The story discussed the idea that, contrary to popular belief, college isn't necessarily on the pathway to success.  The common notion is that in order to get a decent job, you've got to go to college.  Like my mom says, "you don't to flip burgers for the rest of your life."  If that's the purpose of my education, then why do so may billionaires not have college degrees?

These "degree-less" moguls realized that it was necessary to question the "system."  They didn't blindly accept all that was being presented to them.  They sought new avenues and challenged the world.  Similarly, the Dreamer knew that his students with most potential were the ones willing to question the ideas he taught them.  The accepting and compliant pupils weren't bad but they didn't have potential to ascend to the highest levels.  Am I suggesting we all dropout this week and shoot for the Forbes' list next March? No, but there is something important to take away from this.  There can't be progress if we don't look for new ways to do things.  As individuals who are constantly learning, our responsibility is to question the world.